A Million Little Pieces by James Frey
THE GREAT READING BINGE OF 2016
I am alone. Alone here and alone in the world. Alone in my heart and alone in my mind. Alone everywhere, all the time, for as long as I can remember. Alone with my family, alone with my friends, alone in a Room full of People. Alone when I wake, alone through each awful day, alone when I finally meet the blackness. I am alone in my horror.”
I found this one at Goodwill. And it took me longer to read it because I had to walk away and collect my thoughts quite a few times. As most of you know, I have friends and family that have suffered addiction.
This is a book that is a first hand account of the mind of an addict. James wrote it as a memior, but due to the descrepincies with some of the facts portrayed, it should be read as a book of fiction. It does not make it any less gut wrenching, any less heartbreaking, etc to be read as such. James goes into how he got into rehab and the consequences of his actions and his recovery.
The only thing I disagreed with was his thoughts on the 12 steps and AA. It is an amazing tool for those recovering and sometimes a life line.
When going into this book, I treated it like a Speaker Meeting. When someone tells you their story. I have heard some awful and yet amazing things. Alot of people don’t understand the why. Having loved addicts through my life, it is complicated. The hollow looks. The shaking. The lies. The yelling. The crying. Standing in pawn stores at the age of 7 while my dad pawned off belongings to get money for heroine or alcohol. Being brought to dark houses because my dad couldn’t find a babysitter. Do I love him less? No. I have offered him shelter when he went on drinking binges when he relapsed. When I was younger, I would always make sure he had a glass of water at his bedside and made sure he was laying on his side. I understood but did not understand what was happening and I grew up too fast. I remeber my dad sitting me down and explaining why he was going to jail. I was 5. I remeber his heroine relapse at 9 before my little sister was born. I did not love him any less. (My step mom on the other hand is a completely different matter.)
If you know an addict, read this book. It can help you better understand the demons they may be facing. If you are an addict or a recovering addict, read this book because it is a survivors story.
Here is a link to the controversy:
Fear is only fear. I already know that nothing can hurt me more than I have already hurt myself. I know there is no pain I can not endure. I know that by holding on each hour each moment each day the days add up each week each month if I hold on I will be fine. I know I am strong. I know I am strong enough to confront what I fear and know that I am strong enough to hold on until the fear goes away.